Assignment: Recognizing Toxic Relationships
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Lately I have been reflecting on some past and present toxic relationships I have associated with. From friends and boyfriends to co-workers and even relatives, I have witnessed a lot of toxic and hurtful behaviors among a few individuals in my life who, at one time or another, have professed that they truly cared about me. Over this past weekend, I saw some spiteful behaviors and heard some very hurtful words that made me take a step back and question some individuals who are in my life. Throughout my medical training and journey through life, I have learned how to easily recognize red flags, cut ties with toxic people, and most importantly forgive those who have hurt me, even if they are not aware of their actions. Letting go, loving yourself and moving on is sometimes the best recipe to exit these toxic relationships. For those who are wondering if they are surrounded by toxicity, I offer lessons in psychology about recognizing toxic individuals and toxic behaviors:
The term toxic is defined as “containing or being poisonous material especially when capable of causing death or serious debilitation,” according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary. The word is often used to describe chemicals, but it is also commonly used to describe people and relationships.
Most of us have been involved in a toxic relationship at one time or another in our lifetimes. We all have been in the company of others who did not act for the greater good of anyone besides themselves. Toxicity comes in all forms: name-calling, physical abuse, lying, gossip and all the internal turmoil that results from being in an unhealthy relationship. Whether it is a personal relationship involving a family member, lover or a friend, or a professional relationship involving a co-worker or a boss, toxic relationships can damage and leave long-lasting effects on the person involved in one.
Why it matters
Relationships are two-way streets that involve helping each other throughout the journey without any expectation of gaining anything in return except for a lending hand when the tables are turned. Many people assume the word “relationship” refers to a romantic relationship between two people. This assumption is false as relationships can be between any two people and toxicity can be presented between siblings, co-workers, friends, or lovers.
As humans, we are social beings who thrive on companionship and deteriorate on loneliness, according to psychological studies. Entering into a toxic relationship can result in severe inner conflict that can potentially lead to anger, depression or anxiety. It is important to recognize the red flags associated with toxic individuals and toxic relationships, in order to prevent any unnecessary emotional and mental turmoil.
How does this individual treat others?
Look at how the person treats the people closest to him or her. Does he or she speak badly about family members, or display signs of aggression toward parents, friends or co-workers? Is the person in constant conflict with other people? You may feel as though this person is always coming to you complaining about others, whether it’s a constant fight with a boyfriend or girlfriend, or an inability to get along with his or her mother. Is this person using you as an emotional punching bag to take out his or her frustrations and conflicts with others on you? If so, then you may want to take a step back to gain insight into this situation and re-evaluate the purpose of this relationship. The best decision may be to walk away if the person lacks insight and is unwilling to change.
How does this individual make you feel when you are together?
When you are together, does this person talk about himself or herself the whole time? Does he or she verbally put down others or gossip? Does the person make you feel happy about spending time together, or do you feel burdened? Are you walking on egg shells because you are scared to upset this other person? Take a moment to reflect on the time you spend with this person to determine how you feel after each experience. If you feel more miserable than happy when you spend time together, then you may need to set personal boundaries and take a step back from this person in order to protect yourself. This is not selfish, but rather an act of self-love.
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