Knowing what I know now , something that would have helped me prepared for my first fetal demise was to be prepared with the words to say. The first time I experience my first fetal demise I froze, I did not know what to say and I had no idea if it was acceptable to cry. I remember crying and trying to hide my tears from the doctors, nurses and family members. Now, I know that it is ok to cry and to show your true emotions with your patients. After, the birth of the dead fetus the parents cried and I cried with them. I was there to comfort and support them but I froze with words. I was not prepared and had no idea what proper words to say. I learned that “it is ok to say I am sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine what you are feeling right now, but I am here for you”.
I do have a couple of tips to share with orientees to prepare them for this type of event. First, I will tell them that in this situation it is ok to cry and show their emotions. But to do it in a professional manner. Also, to encourage parents to hold their babies this helps them to cope and grieve. Another tip: To always, refer to the baby by their name. If you do not have the answers to the patients questions, find them. Don’t ignore them. Patient’s sometimes do not want to hold or look at their baby. Do not to send the babies body to the morgue right away but wait as long as possible. I had a patient that did not want to see or hold her baby after delivery, but she changed her mind 3 hours after. The morgue had already picked up the baby and I could not grant this patients wish to see and hold her baby.
2-Bonnie, thank you for reading and responding to my post. Yes, I do catch myself wondering about where the baby is and how is she doing. She is about 6 years old now, and I can still see her beautiful little face. She was a healthy full term baby with a full head of hair. Every time I talk about this I remember that it was one of the hardest moment I have endured in my career. It still haunts me from time to time. I had just finished my four month training as a labor and delivery nurse two months prior to the incident. I was fairly new and so inexperienced. Even though the patient was not assigned to me I was there helping. In, our unit we all work together especially when we have an emergency. I remember taking care of the baby while they rushed the patient to the OR and then to ICU. Even, though I know we did everything in our power to save the patient, it is still hard to endure the fact that the baby was left without her mom.
3-All end-of-life choices and medical decisions have complex psychosocial components, ramifications, and consequences that have a significant impact on suffering and the quality of living and dying. However, the medical end-of-life decisions are often the most challenging for terminally ill people and those who care about them. Each of these decisions should ideally be considered in terms of the relief of suffering and the values and beliefs of the dying individual and his or her family. In addition, any system of medical care has its own primary values that may or may not coincide with the values of the person.
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